Legs

As a child I was skinny but as a teenager I thought my legs were too big for my body. I felt this way because my legs were bigger than my father's. Which isn't really saying much. He just has chicken legs. Now as an adult I've gained weight everywhere and with that came along insecurities for more than my legs (my stomach, my butt, my double chin, etc). 

I've been working for a few months, doing squats regularly, so I'm seeing a difference in my legs first. I still have fears that my legs will be proportionately too big for my body once the fat burns off. Honestly I'm hoping my legs will stay the same size but just be more muscle than fat.

Day1

Had breakfast at 7:30. I didn't eat enough and I knew it. I thought maybe my body can't tell this early in the program what full feels like. I've been viewing pictures of other people's whole 30 meals and their portions all seemed so small. So in turn I felt guilty getting more food (which is wrong). If it's healthy, then I can eat until I'm full.

Today was a pretty good day to start. Work can be pretty stressful leaving me to eat junk food. It being a holiday there was hardly any stress so it was easy to not eat in between meals.

Lunch was grilled chicken breast, salad (kale, lettuce, green peppers) cashews and larabar. I brought some homemade Italian dressing as well. I'm going to have to find a new recipe because my dressing wouldn't stay mixed. I brought an hard boiled egg just in case I was still hungry but I didn't end up eating it.

At about 3 pm I wanted to eat but only because I was bored. Around 4pm I got tired and wanted to eat something for energy. I got home at around 6:30 and I was a little hungry but not as hungry as I usually am after work.

Dinner was chicken sausage, red peppers, onions and potatoes. I realized again how fast I eat. I really need to work on that.

Tomorrow will be more stressful so we'll see if I can do this.

It starts tomorrow

Went to the grocery store this morning to get some last minute things for whole30. Thankfully I made a meal plan because I didn't realize I was planning on having hard boiled eggs for breakfast ever morning. I do need to work on varying my lunches a little more though.

Depressed

I'm really depressed tonight. So much so that I'm crying... a lot. I feel fat, ugly and alone. I really don't have any friends. No one that I can go to when I feel this way. One would think that this feeling would make me have more drive to get healthier, since almost everything I read says exercise helps with mood, but it's the opposite. Right now I want to back out of the whole30 challenge. Why do it when everything within me is telling me I'm a failure?

I don't have anything else to say.

Getting ready

I ate a breakfast this morning that will be very similar to what I'll eat for breakfast while I do whole30. I had scrabbled eggs and bacon as I sat at my in-laws table and looked outside. What I noticed was I ate it super fast which is completely unnecessary. I have a few things I'd like to get done today but I have all day to complete those tasks. So why did I eat like I needed to be somewhere? I guess my brain is just hardwired to eat quick. Maybe I should try drinking a sip of water in between bites.

I was was reading today the run down of how each day might feel while doing the challenge and also the problems ladies run into and I started regretting doing this. We'll not regretting but wishing I had found this earlier. September is the craziest month of the year at work and to top it all off the started a new program that still has bugs in it and also makes a 5 minute job take 15 minutes. So I'll have a lot to look forward to. Stress from work, crankiness from resetting my body's hormones and unexpected lady problems... Great!

With all of that aside, summer is almost over 😒. I'm going to miss taking the dog out in the morning in the nice warm weather. Soon it'll be cold... Then snow... 

What's this all about...

I decided to make this blog to help keep me motivated in my health/ weight loss transformation. I lost 10 pounds in the last nine months and gained four of those back. I'm not really sure what happened. I was blaming it on the time change. When we had to "spring ahead" it made it really hard to wake up with enough energy to do a workout before work so I just stopped doing them. That was six months ago.

I recently bought the book It Starts with Food and next week I'll be starting Whole30. My husband doesn't really want to do it but has agreed to try it for two weeks. I'm really hoping he's like some of the people I've read about that feel a difference within the first two weeks and he'll decide to stay with it. I don't blame him for not wanting to do it... I'll ask him tomorrow but I'm pretty sure he is like me and has never been on a diet. We've both tried to cut back on specific things but to limit ourselves this much is something very new a dramatic for us.

This week I've have purchased a few essentials needed but this weekend I'll be picking up the last if it. Also I'll come up with a meal plan for the week for me and my husband and I'll have to remember to take before measurements and such.

I just realized that this program may not work for my husband. He works for a private school which offers free lunch to the staff. Maybe I can get him the read the book and take this seriously.

I'll keep you informed on things such as great recipes I've found or what I'm having difficulty with (I have a feeling it's going to be cravings or coworkers wanting to order pizza). I'm nervous but also excited. If I do this right, the allergies that I've gotten only in my later years, the feeling of always being hungry, bubble guts and the aches and pains in my knees and my heel that just never seem to go away will go away!